It is a rainy, quiet night in Virginia. My co worker went to Hooters all dressed up just now, ready to go flirt with girls and hang out after. Something I would have been the first to go do, but my heart gets sad just thinking of doing that now. I never thought I would be here, typing, but there is someone out there right now that needs to know how special they are, how much they are loved. Because I gave up on Love at one point in my life, and didnt think I was liked or honestly loved the way I have seen.
So what I wanna share is my struggle with knowing if my sins are forgiven. I used to think God would get mad or doesnt like me if I am sinning still, or he doesnt want me. Or I would think If I was Good, then he would talk to me, if I did this right or okay then He would love me and say good job. Thats just not the case with God. The beauty of his grace, is that it makes life unfair. So that wont work with him. His Love for you, is never changing. It is never ending. It doesnt go small or big, it stays constant. God is Love. Thats who he is. Even if you hate God, he still loves you. that's who he is. God is God. His love beats everything, even death and sin, hurt, any pain, anything you have done, or will do, or doing right now. He doesnt count our sins against us, He loves you!! Jesus paid the penalty on the cross for our sins, they have been defeated by Jesus.
(If you have made it this far reading, good job. Most people quit or give in to not trying to seek answers. Good Job! :)
Me and my friend were driving to Gorgeous Charleston, South Carolina one day. I was praying non stop, all day on how God views me. And my sins, I couldnt let it be or accept it. I remember hearing a pastor on the radio just talk about his grace, over and over again. What is his grace, and how we need to receive it. Nothing we can do can make us get it, it is a gift from God. Its his Love, His son who he loved the most paying the penalty for our sins.
I was riding passenger while we were driving, and I told God in my heart and prayers "God I cant do this. I cant be a Christian, everyone is gonna look up at me like Im someone perfect and Good now, I can't be an example. And now that I know all the things you demand from me, Im gonna fall anyways and then youll get mad at me, I dont even want this!" (God told me in the past to receive his grace, and I have learned what that slowly means just from what pastors have said, learning what the Bible says about his grace, about Jesus and what Jesus Did.) I had to surrender. I knew he wanted me to live for him, and just stop fighting him. I kept feeling the holy spirits presence, and I said "I truly now believe Jesus is Lord and he did die for all sins," with silent tears behind my sunglasses... This time God took it further with me and Said "They are forgiven." Instantly in my mind, 100 different meanings and answers and thoughts cleared up all of current worries and stress. He was saying it was DONE, over, there is no more sin. I kept going, I was honest. I said "well what about the future? If I slip up, then what God?! You know Im gonna fail." His reply was priceless. "They are forgiven, All. You are FREE, I LOVE you." I started bawling in tears, not making a sound as my co worker was driving, totally unaware of me crying. I hate crying, but crying is healing for your soul. Men, don't fight it. My heart started to feel like God was holding it, giving the most tender hug full of tears, right back at me 100x extreme. It made me cry even harder. It felt like he missed me and didnt wanna let go. it was nothing i ever expected God to be like. He kept loving me, all my sins have been nailed to the Cross. I knew it 100%. I know it 100%! When God said All, my whole worry of the future was at peace. I felt and knew all is All, and I am FREE. I felt free!! So happy. I was so happy and I have to realize I am now a son of God, not of sin. He doesnt count our sins against us, his love is enduring forever as David says is the Psalms. I knew too in my heart Jesus really is the son of God, and He did pay the penalty on the cross. And that he did come to Love us, Not to Judge us! Jesus loves us. I stopped cigarettes, no nicotine withdrawals, none of my friends can quit and I try to tell them how I did it, they don't believe me. It's sad because God loves us all, not just one over the other. All my addictions, along with the sins are gone. GONE!! No more porn addiction. I can see a girl and not have impure thoughts. I don't like to get drunk anymore... Just so many things dear reader, and he loves you just the same. I really dont like to get that personal, but its to show how amazing he is, and he can help anyone with anything. He shows no favorites and nothing is to great for The God of man.
(We are not free to sin whenever we want now, your desire will be gone and you will have a new pure heart that despises sin. Which sin ultimately leads to death, Living for Jesus leads to eternal life, in a place so magnificent not even our hearts can imagine 1 thing.)
He let me know too, this is how he sees each and every 1 of us. You, behind the screen reading these words. He is dying to show you, to love you. The bible says not even your heart can imagine how much he loves you. Your sins can no longer stop you from God. He loves you, Pray to Jesus, ask him to help you. Ask Jesus to help you see his Love, Mercy, and Grace. Mean it and be sincere, Believe, and he will. Accept Jesus as your savior, Believe he is Gods son, and that he paid the price, Believe he rose again because he is God. And I promise you will come to know his Grace, and His Love.
I get down sometimes when I do sin, I am not perfect and this is what comes to my mind:
You are not your sin, you are my son.
Always reading my bible helps too. So much.
We are sons and daughters of God once we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, God sees his perfect son when he sees us now. Walk in Gods Grace, Not in sin. Keep Jesus 1st in your life. I am under grace now, by Jesus. No longer do we have to be stuck in Sin, and the law, afraid of God or the lies the enemy makes. Really ask God to receive his grace, to receive Jesus. Ask him to help you and show his love for you. Anyone can believe in Jesus, but when you receive it, and it gets to your heart, it's amazing and changing.
You have no idea how real, and awesome God is. How Jesus really is his son, and how HUGE his Love is for you. And if you do, don't be afraid to pray, don't be afraid to be real.
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