How God Speaks, & Slowly changes me.

            
Where do I begin, I Feel like I can help even 1 person out there telling my story. From hating God, to slowly just seeing he is Love, and he keeps loving me more and more. it Changes me. What an amazing Journey its been so far. I was raised by a strict parent, my father. Looking back I am thankful that I have him in my life. One night I went to a church youth group, and our pastor David said "how many of you listen after you pray?" I didnt know it was a 2 way conversation at first. He said "Next time you pray, tonight, leave a chair out, even. Invite his son Jesus to sit down, talk with you. Really believe he will talk and He will." So one night I tried it, kind of half believing that this "magic formula" would work.

               ((and on a note) God isnt a vending machine or magic cosmic Genie, He holds an infinite universe in his hands with ease and has enough love and wisdom for trillions of people, infinite really. So we seek, knock and patiently wait for his response. I was only 12 though, So I think God was more willing to speak to me. My father :] I prayed, and I listened. All the sudden, He spoke to my heart, I was moved with a love, a feeling that was more alive and divine then anything Ive ever experienced. He told me I am so worthy. I was very happy he spoke to me, not realizing what a privilege it is to hear is voice. The Creator of the universe speaking to a mere human.)

                Years later, life got a little harder, my parents had a divorce at 14, my parents fought and things were crazy by 16. by 17 I had a girlfriend, and not going down a good road. I was so upset at God, a million reasons why I felt better to not follow the one who made me. I started going out, traveling all the time. From NYC to Miami, Canada to Puerto Rico me and my friends were living it up. I got drained out eventually. I could get everything I could lay my hands on, money could buy, but I wasnt happy. One night I was drunk, and my heart couldnt take it anymore. I was so angry at God for my past break ups, and had such a mis understanding of who he really is. All I could say was "save me," as I fell asleep in my bed, next to my co worker in the hotel room laughing and chatting on skype. I felt so sad, but the next night I still felt sad, hung over all day, and that night I felt my heart tugging at me. Something wasnt right at all, I screamed and cried to God "Why??! I dont like you, but I am so sorry, Im sorry." I clutched my pillow pretending I was hanging onto him, hiding my tears into the blankets from my co worker who had no idea 6 feet next to me. All of the sudden I felt My heart being hugged. he said "Oh, Jonathan." His voice was full of pain, deeper then mine. But Jesus' voice, dripping with mercy and just pouring compassion on me. I felt him hug me back, and soothed my tears. I was so happy, he does hear our prayers and answers them when we are really sincere. As he spoke I felt all my pain go away. I've learned Gods pain matches ours. When we are sad, he is 100x more sad. When we are hurting, he feels it and is already working to make things better for those in His son Jesus.


             It was amazing to hear how sweet his voice was. I love DJing music when I am home from work, and have over 600,000 songs on my itunes, and I love music more then anything. but... his voice was so much sweeter, so much love. Better then any song. The bible says God is Love, so when we pray and listen to him, we are literally surrendering to Love itself, which is beautiful. But funny thing was I still was drinking, partying, etc. I kept waking up in the middle of the night, for no reason at all. I was upset I couldnt go back to bed, for hours sometimes. One night, I was upset, and I just slowly relaxed against my cozy pillow. All the sudden it felt like a soft glowing fire in my heart was ignited. I knew it was God by how immersed I was by his presence. I was wide awake immediately and shocked. I wasn't scared, I was actually excited that he was even spending time on me! More then the not so happy message that awaited me. He said "Jonathan, you need to start living for me." (Mind you, I still wasnt changed from earlier, I was just sorry, but wasnt open to him.) I thought in my head, I dont want to live a boring disciplined life. Then another thought came up and said you Cannot tell God no, He is God. So I told God "teach me how, then." He didnt respond back to me, but I felt in my heart he said I will. He said "you need to start living for me," more out of I care for you, I love you and cant stand to see my child like this any longer. He doesnt do anything out of being bossy, even though he is God and can. Its all Love, which he does everything out of. Alot of people get tricked into thinking Gods way is boring, but it is actually the best way. He does want the absolute best, and it just so happens it is his way. He doesnt make rules because he likes to be mean and not want you to have fun. He does it because he knows they are the best, and he loves you. More on that later.

(If you have read this far, keep going. Dont let evil or negative distractions turn you away! Youre doing good!)




            God slowly spoke to my heart, I asked him to help me see his ways. He slowly answered me little by little. He would just Love me, more and more. He would even wake me up and I would feel how excited he would be, He would sing in my heart such wonderful things! At first I thought I was crazy, but I google my experiences and see others have had the same things happen. Its pretty awesome.

            I can hear his voice after reading my bible for a couple of hours, or when I really really am sincere, and thank him for hearing me, then he speaks. But I love it most when I sporadically feel his presence. He comforts me when I am actually nervous. He takes it away. He keeps loving me, and his rules that I thought onced Held me back are actually to free me, because he loves me! I would think "no way, God youre really like this? You really do talk and help me? I dont even believe things like this is possible." Even at work sometimes when I am off worrying about whats gonna happen tomorrow, all the sudden I feel him tug at my heart, and comfort me.   He created and loves us, Otherwise he wouldnt have made us. We all were chose to be on this Earth. A thing that came accross my mind from another teacher (might be a little graphic, but we are adults here)  Is that the Bible says that Sex is sacred, and Beautiful. Its meant for only a husband and wife. When they both combine, the 2 become 1 flesh. (one person) then at the peak of pleasure, love, passion, and even more love with Gods presence, a new human being is born. Out of no where, a heart starts beating, and life is created. Do you know how special that is?? I think its amazing. It is absolutely wonderful.


             He keeps speaking to me, when I really seek his words and God himself (and not just his presence), he does answer everytime. Here are some things he has said to me: (and he has shown me, these words he means to you too reader. His love is infinite: whats infinite divided by 7 billion? still infinite :] yeaup!

-Jonathan, you need to start living for me.

-I will give you everything you need, trust me. And I will take care of you.

-You are so precious and dear to me. Like no one else.

-Dont be afraid. I have you, nothing can take you away from me.

- I have you in my arms, you're mine and I love you.

-I LOVE YOU. My heart is drawn toward you. I have you in the palms of my hand.

-I am stronger then your problems. I have given you a new name & a new heart.

-I love you so much! I have such good things for you!

-I love you, I care for you, I can't wait to see you.

-I have you, I have your whole future laid out before me.

-I will not let anything bad happen to you.

-Smile, It'll be Okay.

-I am so happy you are mine. You mean so much to me. you make me happy.

-These things will pass, I will put these trials behind you. Then, I will give you things that even your heart cannot imagine!

-I hear all your prayers, I am always with you. 

- I still love you. you have no idea how much. I still love you, I always will.

-Keep me first. I love you like nothing else. I long to see you. I long to see all my children.

- You believing that I hear your prayer makes me happier then thanking me for your food.

- If this is how you view woman, you are not ready for my daughters. (back when I viewed girls as objects.)

- I care for you so much, you can always talk to me. I am taking care of your worries.

- I love you so much. You mean more to me then this whole world. If I tried to describe just how much, you would not comprehend it.

- I am always here with you. Every little thought that passes your mind I see. I am closer to you then you are yourself. 

- I will keep you safe from harm. I will protect you on your journey, to home with me for eternity.



(At first when I read others talk about God talking, I would think Oh thats just for them. God loves them but not me. ITs NOT true. Gods love is endless, he can love you like you are the only one in the world.) He desires to show you how much he loves you as well, With all his heart and soul. Remember, his presence and feelings isnt what we should seek. We should seek our Jesus, and those will naturally come.


If you are wanting to know how can you talk to God, and dont know how, or are curious, Just ask sincerely. Focus on your heart, your chest area. I know 100% that Jesus is Lord, and when I focus on his wounds, on the cross, his Love for each of us, thats when I can be in tune with him. Its his love. He wants so badly, so badly for all to see how much he loves us. He just wants us to Receive his Grace, his love.


Find a quiet spot, sincerely talk to Jesus. Believe he listens, & Thank him for already working in your life to have this moment with you tonight. (He can only work if we have faith.) Wait for his response. Really get down, really believe that he wants and desires you to pour you biggest fears and lay them out. be honest, your worries and roll them on his shoulders. He cares deeply the bible says.


If you have any comments or question, please don't hesitate to ask or contact me. We are all loved so much, like we are the only ones on earth, because his love is infinite. God loves you so much. He doesnt count your sins against you, There is hope through his son Jesus Christ. You can email me on here, or reach me at ahsfisher@hotmail.com   I have so many more wonderful stories I thought were impossible Im going to post soon.