I can't always hear or feel God & Why.

                 Hey whats happenin everyone. I have had 2 recent blogs about my amazing experiences with God, and just good things happening in my life. God has been helping me, teaching me and comforting me in my life, I love it. I am so thankful. I have been getting closer to him and I am learning things, being encouraged, feeling his presence. 

                  I am just a beginner, no expert by any means, and even when I gain more knowledge, the glory be to the Lord. Lately he has been wanting me to trust him, put my hope in his son Jesus. Its so hard for me to get it, so I asked him for his help to put all my trust and hope into him, not just 50% or 75%. He wants all of us, 100%. He wants to give us himself and Love us. Its pretty cool :]  But about 2 weeks ago, he disappeared. I couldnt feel him, couldnt see him or anything. No answer or hints that he was even there. Completely gone it felt like. I was at first worried, upset, and then just didnt care. But I knew that God is still there, even when we can't feel him. And I thanked him for being there. He still didnt answer. Days went by, and I still was worried. Then one day I knew in my heart that he wanted me to trust him, and not just his presence. Feelings lead us astray, the heart is deceitful. I knew he was teaching me to trust and hope in him and it made my expectation bigger when I knew he would reveal himself to me. 


                He finally did, and in an instant I knew that thats what he was doing, was making my trust stronger and my hope bigger in him. He is always there, 100% if you are humble, sincere, in your spirit and in truth going after Jesus. So if you don't feel his presence from time to time, dont worry. He is there, and It is all for a good reason. Don't give up or get down, keep going and be thankful that he with you. Because he really is.

               Hopefully this helped someone out there, my trust is bigger in God himself, not his presence, my feelings or emotions. Thank you God. 

How God Told Me I am Free from my sins

                  It is a rainy, quiet night in Virginia. My co worker went to Hooters all dressed up just now, ready to go flirt with girls and hang out after. Something I would have been the first to go do, but my heart gets sad just thinking of doing that now. I never thought I would be here, typing, but there is someone out there right now that needs to know how special they are, how much they are loved. Because I gave up on Love at one point in my life, and didnt think I was liked or honestly loved the way I have seen. 


                So what I wanna share is my struggle with knowing if my sins are forgiven. I used to think God would get mad or doesnt like me if I am sinning still, or he doesnt want me. Or I would think If I was Good, then he would talk to me, if I did this right or okay then He would love me and say good job. Thats just not the case with God. The beauty of his grace, is that it makes life unfair. So that wont work with him. His Love for you, is never changing. It is never ending. It doesnt go small or big, it stays constant. God is Love. Thats who he is. Even if you hate God, he still loves you. that's who he is. God is God. His love beats everything, even death and sin, hurt, any pain, anything you have done, or will do, or doing right now. He doesnt count our sins against us, He loves you!! Jesus paid the penalty on the cross for our sins, they have been defeated by Jesus. 

(If you have made it this far reading, good job. Most people quit or give in to not trying to seek answers. Good Job! :)

               Me and my friend were driving to Gorgeous Charleston, South Carolina one day. I was praying non stop, all day on how God views me. And my sins, I couldnt let it be or accept it. I remember hearing a pastor on the radio just talk about his grace, over and over again. What is his grace, and how we need to receive it. Nothing we can do can make us get it, it is a gift from God. Its his Love, His son who he loved the most paying the penalty for our sins.


               I was riding passenger while we were driving, and I told God in my heart and prayers "God I cant do this. I cant be a Christian, everyone is gonna look up at me like Im someone perfect and Good now, I can't be an example. And now that I know all the things you demand from me, Im gonna fall anyways and then youll get mad at me, I dont even want this!" (God told me in the past to receive his grace, and I have learned what that slowly means just from what pastors have said, learning what the Bible says about his grace, about Jesus and what Jesus Did.) I had to surrender. I knew he wanted me to live for him, and just stop fighting him. I kept feeling the holy spirits presence, and I said "I truly now believe Jesus is Lord and he did die for all sins," with silent tears behind my sunglasses... This time God took it further with me and Said "They are forgiven." Instantly in my mind, 100 different meanings and answers and thoughts cleared up all of current worries and stress. He was saying it was DONE, over, there is no more sin. I kept going, I was honest. I said "well what about the future? If I slip up, then what God?! You know Im gonna fail."  His reply was priceless. "They are forgiven, All. You are FREE, I LOVE you." I started bawling in tears, not making a sound as my co worker was driving, totally unaware of me crying. I hate crying, but crying is healing for your soul. Men, don't fight it. My heart started to feel like God was holding it, giving the most tender hug full of tears, right back at me 100x extreme. It made me cry even harder. It felt like he missed me and didnt wanna let go. it was nothing i ever expected God to be like. He kept loving me, all my sins have been nailed to the Cross. I knew it 100%. I know it 100%! When God said All, my whole worry of the future was at peace. I felt and knew all is All, and I am FREE. I felt free!! So happy. I was so happy and I have to realize I am now a son of God, not of sin. He doesnt count our sins against us, his love is enduring forever as David says is the Psalms. I knew too in my heart Jesus really is the son of God, and He did pay the penalty on the cross. And that he did come to Love us, Not to Judge us! Jesus loves us. I stopped cigarettes, no nicotine withdrawals, none of my friends can quit and I try to tell them how I did it, they don't believe me. It's sad because God loves us all, not just one over the other. All my addictions, along with the sins are gone. GONE!! No more porn addiction. I can see a girl and not have impure thoughts. I don't like to get drunk anymore... Just so many things dear reader, and he loves you just the same. I really dont like to get that personal, but its to show how amazing he is, and he can help anyone with anything. He shows no favorites and nothing is to great for The God of man.

                         (We are not free to sin whenever we want now, your desire will be gone and you will have a new pure heart that despises sin. Which sin ultimately leads to death, Living for Jesus leads to eternal life, in a place so magnificent not even our hearts can imagine 1 thing.)

                            He let me know too, this is how he sees each and every 1 of us. You, behind the screen reading these words. He is dying to show you, to love you. The bible says not even your heart can imagine how much he loves you. Your sins can no longer stop you from God. He loves you, Pray to Jesus, ask him to help you. Ask Jesus to help you see his Love, Mercy, and Grace. Mean it and be sincere, Believe, and he will. Accept Jesus as your savior, Believe he is Gods son, and that he paid the price, Believe he rose again because he is God. And I promise you will come to know his Grace, and His Love.


                     I get down sometimes when I do sin, I am not perfect and this is what comes to my mind:          

             You are not your sin, you are my son. 

             Always reading my bible helps too. So much.

          We are sons and daughters of God once we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, God sees his perfect son when he sees us now. Walk in Gods Grace, Not in sin. Keep Jesus 1st in your life. I am under grace now, by Jesus. No longer do we have to be stuck in Sin, and the law, afraid of God or the lies the enemy makes. Really ask God to receive his grace, to receive Jesus. Ask him to help you and show his love for you. Anyone can believe in Jesus, but when you receive it, and it gets to your heart, it's amazing and changing.



              You have no idea how real, and awesome God is. How Jesus really is his son, and how HUGE his Love is for you. And if you do, don't be afraid to pray, don't be afraid to be real.

                         

        

How God Speaks, & Slowly changes me.

            
Where do I begin, I Feel like I can help even 1 person out there telling my story. From hating God, to slowly just seeing he is Love, and he keeps loving me more and more. it Changes me. What an amazing Journey its been so far. I was raised by a strict parent, my father. Looking back I am thankful that I have him in my life. One night I went to a church youth group, and our pastor David said "how many of you listen after you pray?" I didnt know it was a 2 way conversation at first. He said "Next time you pray, tonight, leave a chair out, even. Invite his son Jesus to sit down, talk with you. Really believe he will talk and He will." So one night I tried it, kind of half believing that this "magic formula" would work.

               ((and on a note) God isnt a vending machine or magic cosmic Genie, He holds an infinite universe in his hands with ease and has enough love and wisdom for trillions of people, infinite really. So we seek, knock and patiently wait for his response. I was only 12 though, So I think God was more willing to speak to me. My father :] I prayed, and I listened. All the sudden, He spoke to my heart, I was moved with a love, a feeling that was more alive and divine then anything Ive ever experienced. He told me I am so worthy. I was very happy he spoke to me, not realizing what a privilege it is to hear is voice. The Creator of the universe speaking to a mere human.)

                Years later, life got a little harder, my parents had a divorce at 14, my parents fought and things were crazy by 16. by 17 I had a girlfriend, and not going down a good road. I was so upset at God, a million reasons why I felt better to not follow the one who made me. I started going out, traveling all the time. From NYC to Miami, Canada to Puerto Rico me and my friends were living it up. I got drained out eventually. I could get everything I could lay my hands on, money could buy, but I wasnt happy. One night I was drunk, and my heart couldnt take it anymore. I was so angry at God for my past break ups, and had such a mis understanding of who he really is. All I could say was "save me," as I fell asleep in my bed, next to my co worker in the hotel room laughing and chatting on skype. I felt so sad, but the next night I still felt sad, hung over all day, and that night I felt my heart tugging at me. Something wasnt right at all, I screamed and cried to God "Why??! I dont like you, but I am so sorry, Im sorry." I clutched my pillow pretending I was hanging onto him, hiding my tears into the blankets from my co worker who had no idea 6 feet next to me. All of the sudden I felt My heart being hugged. he said "Oh, Jonathan." His voice was full of pain, deeper then mine. But Jesus' voice, dripping with mercy and just pouring compassion on me. I felt him hug me back, and soothed my tears. I was so happy, he does hear our prayers and answers them when we are really sincere. As he spoke I felt all my pain go away. I've learned Gods pain matches ours. When we are sad, he is 100x more sad. When we are hurting, he feels it and is already working to make things better for those in His son Jesus.


             It was amazing to hear how sweet his voice was. I love DJing music when I am home from work, and have over 600,000 songs on my itunes, and I love music more then anything. but... his voice was so much sweeter, so much love. Better then any song. The bible says God is Love, so when we pray and listen to him, we are literally surrendering to Love itself, which is beautiful. But funny thing was I still was drinking, partying, etc. I kept waking up in the middle of the night, for no reason at all. I was upset I couldnt go back to bed, for hours sometimes. One night, I was upset, and I just slowly relaxed against my cozy pillow. All the sudden it felt like a soft glowing fire in my heart was ignited. I knew it was God by how immersed I was by his presence. I was wide awake immediately and shocked. I wasn't scared, I was actually excited that he was even spending time on me! More then the not so happy message that awaited me. He said "Jonathan, you need to start living for me." (Mind you, I still wasnt changed from earlier, I was just sorry, but wasnt open to him.) I thought in my head, I dont want to live a boring disciplined life. Then another thought came up and said you Cannot tell God no, He is God. So I told God "teach me how, then." He didnt respond back to me, but I felt in my heart he said I will. He said "you need to start living for me," more out of I care for you, I love you and cant stand to see my child like this any longer. He doesnt do anything out of being bossy, even though he is God and can. Its all Love, which he does everything out of. Alot of people get tricked into thinking Gods way is boring, but it is actually the best way. He does want the absolute best, and it just so happens it is his way. He doesnt make rules because he likes to be mean and not want you to have fun. He does it because he knows they are the best, and he loves you. More on that later.

(If you have read this far, keep going. Dont let evil or negative distractions turn you away! Youre doing good!)




            God slowly spoke to my heart, I asked him to help me see his ways. He slowly answered me little by little. He would just Love me, more and more. He would even wake me up and I would feel how excited he would be, He would sing in my heart such wonderful things! At first I thought I was crazy, but I google my experiences and see others have had the same things happen. Its pretty awesome.

            I can hear his voice after reading my bible for a couple of hours, or when I really really am sincere, and thank him for hearing me, then he speaks. But I love it most when I sporadically feel his presence. He comforts me when I am actually nervous. He takes it away. He keeps loving me, and his rules that I thought onced Held me back are actually to free me, because he loves me! I would think "no way, God youre really like this? You really do talk and help me? I dont even believe things like this is possible." Even at work sometimes when I am off worrying about whats gonna happen tomorrow, all the sudden I feel him tug at my heart, and comfort me.   He created and loves us, Otherwise he wouldnt have made us. We all were chose to be on this Earth. A thing that came accross my mind from another teacher (might be a little graphic, but we are adults here)  Is that the Bible says that Sex is sacred, and Beautiful. Its meant for only a husband and wife. When they both combine, the 2 become 1 flesh. (one person) then at the peak of pleasure, love, passion, and even more love with Gods presence, a new human being is born. Out of no where, a heart starts beating, and life is created. Do you know how special that is?? I think its amazing. It is absolutely wonderful.


             He keeps speaking to me, when I really seek his words and God himself (and not just his presence), he does answer everytime. Here are some things he has said to me: (and he has shown me, these words he means to you too reader. His love is infinite: whats infinite divided by 7 billion? still infinite :] yeaup!

-Jonathan, you need to start living for me.

-I will give you everything you need, trust me. And I will take care of you.

-You are so precious and dear to me. Like no one else.

-Dont be afraid. I have you, nothing can take you away from me.

- I have you in my arms, you're mine and I love you.

-I LOVE YOU. My heart is drawn toward you. I have you in the palms of my hand.

-I am stronger then your problems. I have given you a new name & a new heart.

-I love you so much! I have such good things for you!

-I love you, I care for you, I can't wait to see you.

-I have you, I have your whole future laid out before me.

-I will not let anything bad happen to you.

-Smile, It'll be Okay.

-I am so happy you are mine. You mean so much to me. you make me happy.

-These things will pass, I will put these trials behind you. Then, I will give you things that even your heart cannot imagine!

-I hear all your prayers, I am always with you. 

- I still love you. you have no idea how much. I still love you, I always will.

-Keep me first. I love you like nothing else. I long to see you. I long to see all my children.

- You believing that I hear your prayer makes me happier then thanking me for your food.

- If this is how you view woman, you are not ready for my daughters. (back when I viewed girls as objects.)

- I care for you so much, you can always talk to me. I am taking care of your worries.

- I love you so much. You mean more to me then this whole world. If I tried to describe just how much, you would not comprehend it.

- I am always here with you. Every little thought that passes your mind I see. I am closer to you then you are yourself. 

- I will keep you safe from harm. I will protect you on your journey, to home with me for eternity.



(At first when I read others talk about God talking, I would think Oh thats just for them. God loves them but not me. ITs NOT true. Gods love is endless, he can love you like you are the only one in the world.) He desires to show you how much he loves you as well, With all his heart and soul. Remember, his presence and feelings isnt what we should seek. We should seek our Jesus, and those will naturally come.


If you are wanting to know how can you talk to God, and dont know how, or are curious, Just ask sincerely. Focus on your heart, your chest area. I know 100% that Jesus is Lord, and when I focus on his wounds, on the cross, his Love for each of us, thats when I can be in tune with him. Its his love. He wants so badly, so badly for all to see how much he loves us. He just wants us to Receive his Grace, his love.


Find a quiet spot, sincerely talk to Jesus. Believe he listens, & Thank him for already working in your life to have this moment with you tonight. (He can only work if we have faith.) Wait for his response. Really get down, really believe that he wants and desires you to pour you biggest fears and lay them out. be honest, your worries and roll them on his shoulders. He cares deeply the bible says.


If you have any comments or question, please don't hesitate to ask or contact me. We are all loved so much, like we are the only ones on earth, because his love is infinite. God loves you so much. He doesnt count your sins against you, There is hope through his son Jesus Christ. You can email me on here, or reach me at ahsfisher@hotmail.com   I have so many more wonderful stories I thought were impossible Im going to post soon.